Did you ever play Telephone when you were a kid? The game where someone whispers something into your ear, then the message gets whispered to each person in the circle, and the last person to receive it speaks the message out loud. Then hilarious laughter erupts because along the way, the message changed depending on how each person heard it, and the phrase, “Potato chips are crunchy,” became, “Your breath smells funky.”
I feel like this is what happens in our lives all the time. Our Soul speaks, sending us messages, clearly and softly, but along the way, they pass through our frantic mind. They travel through our culture, friends and family filter, and by the end, our clear and beautiful messages become a much lesser version that the one we first heard.
Studies show that over 40% of our life’s actions are habitual. We have developed habits, systems, opinions and identities over a lifetime that we assume are forever fixed. Do we even remember how they developed? What were we listening to when we formulated them in the first place?
I believe that in order to create a life of our choosing, the first thing we have to do is develop a new way to listen, and become more familiar with the subtle messages our Soul is giving us all the time, the ones we so often ignore. The listening that is required is deep, bodily listening, self-compassionate, Soul listening, not frenzied, judgmental thinking-mind listening.
How do I know the difference?
There are different parts of our inner experience speaking to us all the time, parts of us that have developed to keep us safe, either physically or emotionally, at some point in our lives. So then, the question becomes, what part do I primarily listen to? Because I want to be connecting and living primarily through my Soul part. I want that deep, inner knowing part to be creating and leading my life. But in order to allow it to lead, I have to practice listening to it.
This idea that we all have parts is something I have been learning about through my coach training, brain science studies, and reading about Internal Family Systems therapy. According to the IFS Model, your Soul (in IFS they refer to this part as Self) has eight characteristics: Calmness, Clarity, Compassion, Curiosity, Confidence, Courage, Creativity and Connectedness. These are the characteristics we will feel when we know we are hearing a Soul message. Developing our listening and engaging in the two-step dance of desire and pay attention can help us begin to recognize when we’re connected to this part of ourselves.
Simple but not easy, right?
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So how does this work from a practical sense? You have to practice and refine your listening skills. So try this, create 10 minutes in your day to practice being still. 10 curious minutes dedicated to practicing gentle listening. For 10 minutes every day, sit or lay still, breathe, and just notice. Try different things to find out what is best for you. Is your listening best in the morning, evening or midday? Is it best sitting up or laying down? Just listen and watch your thoughts flow in and out of your head, without judgment, just watch them. If the idea of being still is too scary, maybe just commit to a 10 minute walk without your phone. My listening practice happens in the morning after coffee. I have found that listening to sound healing tracks, like this one on Insight Timer, helps me commit to staying still.
I will warn you, this listening practice might be uncomfortable and you will not want to do it.
Do it anyway.
Your thinking mind will label it a waste of time, your physical body might hurt, your breathing might be shallow, and this 10 minutes may feel anything but gentle.
Do it anyway.
Over time, as you practice deep listening, your Soul messages become clearer. You’ll recognize them because they carry the quality of being calm, clear, compassionate and curious. When you can live more from this space of listening presence, the choices you make can truly start becoming your own.
Listen for Guidance
Listen for guidance
among the trees,
dried leaves fragrant
underfoot. Listen to
the crows and finches,
to the whistle of wind
through pine needles.
Most of all, listen
to the whispers of
your soul and the
knowing in your bones.
When your inner compass
points in a new direction,
dare to follow. In the
stillness of meditation or
the tumult of the day,
listen for what’s next.
Truth will come in many
ways and contexts.
Listen – – and begin.
Donna Faulds
Soul Geography 